wanted to blog but my mind is blank now.
i am just simply bored.. bored to the core right now.
stayed at home whole day..
baby went to relative house.
let me think of things to blog.. sum up this year?
since it's ending soon.
JANUARY:
starting from january..
celebrated 2nd anniversary with baby.
yups, it's more than 2 yrs since we are tgt.
look at how time flies..
and initially, i was worrying about the 2/3 yr 'crisis'.
(many couples broke of at their 2nd and 3rd yr)
but we (me n him) pass thru with ease. =)
and it's going third year now.
i would say he is softer type, while i am the harder type.
(you all shld noe what i mean by harder type, i cant rmb wads the word to use)
everything was rather smooth. i won't say perfect. ;)
next his birthday.. =D
bought ipod nano that he wanted.
FEBRUARY:
valentine..
made a card for him and gave a little bear.
went out for dinner..
MARCH, APRIL:
March and April.
crucial months for all my projects and tests.
i am all along studying and coping with my studies.
MAY:
holidays started in the second week of May.
could not find any jobs.. all need at least 3 mths.
at the end of May.. ah ma condition was rather unstable.
JUNE:
june.. ah ma was in hospital ICU.
she needs dialysis.. but she don't want it.
4 of june my 21st birthday.
yes! once in a life.. but i din get to celebrate much..
due to ah ma condition..
doctor told us tt she won't survive more thn 1 or 2 days.
they brought ah ma back home..
cuz old people say it was beta to die at home.
everyone went ah ma hse.
by that time,
ah ma alr lost conscious.
she cant recognize anyone..
memories just randomly flash through her mind i guess.
cuz she randomly call out people name..
i saw.. she had great breathing difficulty.
it was heart wrenching.. i wanted to cry but i hold back.
i am strong.. i will nv drop a tear in front of others.
not even my family member. i am owas the strong one in
front of anyone. i will owas do. =)
ah ma randomly called her kids name..
said she wanted bean curd. thn suddenly smiling happily.
that nite.. she passed away. 5th June.
mummy said it was quite scary..
ah ma was short of breathe.. n... shall not describe.
but she seems to be in pain when she went off..
cuz she was depending on the machine to breathe.
one of her kid told us that ah ma reminded her..
that she wanted the funeral to be 7 days instead of 5.
she wanted it to be rei nao.
and she told the make up aunty to please rmb to make her
pretty while she goes off.
yups, everything followed her wish.
SOMEBODY created ALOT of UNNECESSAY SCENES down there.
and seriously, i am really ANGRY abt it.
if she is nt my elderly.. for sure.. i will expose her acts.
and for sure, i would love to SLAP HER.
yes! i seldom get angry at ppl unless they r really too much.
and i dare to say..
she was MORE THAN TOO MUCH.
forgets about her!
we hired the opera.. band.. and many programs for ah ma.
xiao ah ma came for my big ah ma funeral too..
thou they were owas nt on good terms.
xiao ah ma's kids came too..
i am touched. haha. and they did tried their best to help.
they owas kana suan by big ah ma kids..
despite them suaning..
xiao ah ma's kids still went down to help.
and folded 12/13 nice lotus flower for big ah ma.
this was wad i studied.
ritual bring cohesion..
thru ritual, one's cultivate ownself.
those who dun learn from it..
would only be making a shame of themselves.
i had to agree to that to max!
and i think if was my big ah ma's blessing for all of us.
b4 funeral, big ah ma's kids nv fail to suan xiao ah ma n her kids.
nv even tok to them at all.
through the funeral.. they talked.
they sat down together to eat..
they beccum closer.
seriously, i think it's a blessing from big ah ma.
i think ah gong came back home to guide big ah ma..
cuz the day b4 big ah ma back to her hse from hospital.
my aunt say she walked by my ah ma rm..
the rm was closed. the smell of alcohol was so heavy tt particular nite.
fyi, my ah gong loves to drink alcohol.
is this coincident or it's really happening? i duno.
well.. many things happened during her funeral.
anyway, cousins were brought nearer tgt.
we din talk to each other before that...
june was definitely a happening mth for me.
n somehw i realised, those ppl whom i think they r mature enuf..
they proved me that they had nt at all.
i dun understand y humans can be lidat at times.
enriching mth.
JULY:
i sign up for driving lesson since i have no job.
and till now, i haven pass my practical test yet.
frustrating.. cuz i alr spent more thn 2.5k.
i am utterly broke.
AUGUST:
school started again.
but i skipped alot of lectures.
reason was simple, no one could understand the lecturer at all.
only accounting.. it was the best module of all.
SEPTEMBER:
i went for my first driving test.
every instructors said i was alrite.
sure pass if i maintain.
but i flunk cuz i mount the kerb before anything starts.
i am bad at focussing now..
without the help of orchestra.
indoubtedly, orchestra trained my mind.
i bcum so useless without it.
oh ya, that driving test..
i met the most difficult tester who owas pick on ppl.
i only came to noe it frm my instructor after the test.
nvm, i accepted it.
i asked if there r other difficult tester,
he told me there is one more.
OCTOBER:
i am busiest this semester..
i mean workloads and projects, tests and so on.
it was the most difficult semester of all.
i studied late at nite till 4 or 5 am frequently in OCT and NOV.
programming are definitely driving me crazy.
especially the com graphic..
it''s fun but definitely killing me!
NOVEMBER:
apart from the hectic work loads
i went for second driving test.
and i still didnt pass!
the warm up instructor told me i sure on! np!
end up? the tester picked me on stuffs tt no one picks on me b4.
sharp turn. wide turn. many small mistakes.
and on road.. a bus sabo-ed me. thank you.
i fed so demoralising. am i getting old? nt beng able to pass
or even learn any new things?
i doubted my abilities.
and rmb i mentioned above..
there is another difficult tester to deal with.
and I MET HIM. hw lucky can i be huhs!!!?
also, this was the first time i din complete a given assignment.
what i meant was.. din complete more than half of it.
i felt so unlucky this semester.
i am really feeling down. too stress. n really, stress!
i nv been so stress in my ENTIRE life.
i really felt like giving up many many times..
the urge was bad in this semester.
i felt so helpless.
DECEMBER:
finally exams ended on 5th.
finally i get a brk to chalet for 3 nights.
i bluff my mum sch camping cuz she forced me to.
if she is more lenient just abit..
i swear i wun mind telling her everything!
i hope someone could talk to her..
that going out late is ok.. that going chalet is alrite.
that going oversea is nth big. i am alr 21..
everyone say 21 u get your freedom.
i DONT at all. i felt so tighten. and i envy everyone else.
even my aunt.. so tradition n i owas tot she more old fashion
minded thn my mummy. she dou open up lerhs..
her kids only 17. can out late n go chalet. a girl.
y cant i? do i behave immaturely? NO.
my mum noes i am mature. haiz.
sinze young she restrict me frm going hm late..
so i dun like to go out.. i felt pai sei to tell my fren i nd hm early.
it's so shao xing. and soon i felt so use to staying at hm.
that as if i got no frens. i dun go out with them anymore..
cuz i no longer noes hw to communicate with them.
mummy say friends married le.. all busy theirs..
who would wan to care u? i told her it's nt this way.
she dun blive. yes. she nv blive any of her kids at all.
that's her.
there was this time..
my di wan go prom nite.
i asked my mum let her go..
hao bu rong yi she say ok.
prom nite coming..
my di wan buy clothes.. dye hair buy content lens.
it's ok ya?
she say cant dye hair. like chao ah beng.
and she nags for weeksS. yesh! with that 'S'.
she scolded me say i teach me di bad things.
ask me not to kpo.FOR GOODNESS SAKE...
i really feels like shouting at her ask her to be more open minded pls!
but i din. cuz i noe it will nt works.
hais.
all my friens.. who cant out late de..
all can out late le.. some can go oversea..
some can go chalet.
WITHOUT lying. hw i wished i am lidatx too!
i dun feel good lying to her..
but she owas push me to the edge and left me no choice.
this is a uber long post i guess.
there r tons more to say abt my life.
p.s: that dog singing was soooooooo nice. but doubt gona hear it agn.
